The cause of family entanglements

Healing yourself, loving the world

Where are those stubborn blocks coming from?

  • Events further back in time within the family matrix. (The family matrix refers to the connections between ourselves, our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, our ancestors beyond them, our homelands, and people who have been impacted by our family and are now part of the matrix.)
  • It’s not the events themselves, it’s the response of the family to those events.  (Notice the similarity between the premise statement of EFT and the premise statement of Family Energetics.)

How do we find those events causing us problems?

  • Look for tension in the family matrix.
  • In family constellations, a group is often used with representatives standing in for the family members.  The tension is discovered organically through the representatives.  Practitioners are now also doing individual work where the tension is discovered intuitively.
  • In Family Energetics, we use the underlying models from FC and use EFT to do it ourselves or with a practitioner.  We can proactively address specific events, releasing any tension in the system, while discovering other entanglements through the intuition and questioning.

Types of events

  • War
  • Crime
  • Early Death
  • First Loves
  • Missing Children
  • Missed Homeland
  • Anything that blocks the flow of love!

The skillful use of EFT seems to have three impacts

  • Releases trauma faster from the system and from individuals’ experience
  • Allows folks to access information through their own experience
  • Allows for sudden breakthroughs in healing without knowing the whole family history while still respecting the flow of love within the family


  • If there is a persistent issue in your life, look further back in the family system.
  • Look for the underlying love and where it got entangled.
  • There is no blame, only each person taking responsibility for their part.

Recommended reading on Family Constellations

  • John Payne’s books
  • My book Family Energetics which has both a bit of theory and tapping scripts for connecting to our homelands, divorce, war, early death, missing children, abortion, miscarriage, adoption and more.
Photo by niko photos
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Deborah Donndelinger

Deborah Donndelinger

I'm writing from Maryland, but my heart goes out all over the world. I'm cheering you on as you tackle the hard stuff, embrace the easy, and show up to help others.