The wanting in the unwanted

Healing yourself, loving the world

I see what I want in the unwanted.

When something undesired happens, we can feel confused and thwarted. We might think: “What did I do to cause this?” “What did I do wrong?” “I cannot have what I want.” We also might experience feel blame or anger as we try to bypass our feelings of disappointment and despair. Today, I invite you not to figure out why or how this thing happened; instead, allow yourself three things:

  1. The desire to feel better with no attachment to the outcome.

  2. The feelings of blame, anger, or grief with no judgment on yourself.

  3. Notice what you do want.

Doing this, we find unexpected wisdom emerging as outcomes transform faster than we dare hope. We reveal an expanded sense of self rather than a diminished one (not that we are every truly diminished.)

Just for today, when something “unwanted” happens, acknowledge your desire to feel better and let go of the rest.


While tapping on the side-of-the-hand points, say:

  • Even though this is not what I want, I deeply and completely accept myself.
  • Even though I do not understand why this is happening, I deeply and completely accept myself.
  • Even though I am frustrated with what is happening, I deeply and completely accept myself.

The Rounds

Tap three rounds, alternating the following phrases:

  • Feeling discouraged
  • Feeling unsure
  • Feels like a setback

Finish with a round of “I know what I want.”


Just for Today, A Year Around the Sun

Photo by Justin Cron

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Deborah Donndelinger

Deborah Donndelinger

I'm writing from Maryland, but my heart goes out all over the world. I'm cheering you on as you tackle the hard stuff, embrace the easy, and show up to help others.