Relationship-based, not rule-based
When I started my EFT work, my children were small and I was navigating my world of attachment, respectful parenting. I was very clear that I wanted to focus on my children’s needs and their innate authority, and I found very specific resources to help me.
My passion for deliberate, conscious parenting showed up in my work. My clients included mothers who want good relationships with their children. These moms are aware enough to know that their emotional hiccups affect how they interact with their kids *and* are also very clear that will have respectful, attached relationships with their kids. The combination of EFT, attachment parenting, peaceful parenting, John Holt’s unschooling, and the Luvmour’s natural learning rhythms provided me with a powerful toolset for both my own parenting and also coaching for other parents.
When I posted this comment below on my personal facebook feed this week, I realized that I am celebrating a journey that started almost 18 years ago. I am celebrating where I am now with my children. I fully claim and acknowledge my deep desires and intention around how I am with my children. I am sharing here publicly as a testimony to honor all the mothers and fathers who work on respectful, freedom-based relationships with their children. It feels good, doesn’t it?
When one of my children thanks me, it comes from the heart, and it lands in the heart.
I do things for my kids because I want to. I don’t demand a “thank you” and one of my pet peeves is “making” kids say thank you in a robotic ritual. I value good manners; however, I show that by modeling not mandating.
I’ve received “authentic” thank you’s from all three children this week and it feels wonderful. When one of my children thanks me, it comes from the heart, and it lands in the heart. Such a delight to be receiving what I don’t expect but definitely appreciate.
The way I parent isn’t mainstream and it certainly is based on trust rather than rules. Lots of deliberate choices that value the relationship and the person rather than short-term results or conformity or obedience.
And now that my children are teenagers and moving into young adulthood, I feel delight as I see what we’ve been nurturing come into form. All the times I questioned myself, or was questioned by others, or felt unsure — worth it! I’m glad I followed my intuition. ~ Deborah Donndelinger
Photo by Scott Webb
