Envy shows me the way

Healing yourself, loving the world

I was talking to a fellow homeschooling mom and found myself feeling a bit deficient. Her children are reading above age level, she enjoys doing lots of crafts and arts with them, and always seems to be playing with her children. When I compare myself to her, I find myself lacking.

I found afterwards that she was comparing herself to me and finding herself lacking. She wished she had the interest, skill and knowledge of alternative health that I do and was feeling guilty that she doesn’t. That made me feel much better but left me wondering, why don’t we value ourselves and our gifts more? And what do we do about comparing ourselves? Some folks don’t have the bad habit of comparing, I do.

I can use it to motivate myself or use it to feel like dirt … To motivate myself, I start by naming and loving my strengths BEFORE I compare myself to others. I feel much better when I do that, I feel more confident, and that can only lead me to better choices. If I know where I’m doing well, then it’s easier to see where I want to be different.

But what to do about that envy? I have found there there is always a nugget of truth when I feel envious — it’s just a matter of sorting out the truth from the noise. The truth for me is a little voice saying, I’d like to have more of that in my life. If I can get clear about what I really want, then the path opens up. So with my friend who is so proud of her children’s academic progress, the nugget of truth for me is that I’d really like to feel that my children are learning. I don’t have that sense right now — so how can I see all the ways they are learning? Maybe I can observe them more to see what they really do while they play. Maybe I can start a project we both are interested in. Maybe I can list all the ways and things they already know just because they are my kids. (How many children know how to muscle test and do EFT? Mine do!)

So for all those moms who are harsh judgers of themselves, here’s an assignment: list five things that are part of who you are, that you love about yourself. And let us know. This can be our pat-ourselves-on-the-back spot….

Cheers to all,


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Deborah Donndelinger

Deborah Donndelinger

I'm writing from Maryland, but my heart goes out all over the world. I'm cheering you on as you tackle the hard stuff, embrace the easy, and show up to help others.