I cried at the M&M’s

Healing yourself, loving the world

Well, actually it was Reese’s Pieces. It was the end of the summer of 1982, I was 15 years old, and it was the start of my senior year of high school. I was home from spending the summer with my dad in Saudi and went to the movies with my friends from school. E.T. was playing. I rarely went to the movies, and this was a treat.

Remember the scene where Elliott has laid out some candy to entice E.T. closer. E.T. brings back the candy and puts it in Elliott’s hand. As I watched this, I just started crying and couldn’t stop. The loyalty, the curiosity, the kindness … I still remember how all the feelings that flooded me. And to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed because none of my friends were crying.

Fast forward to 2007. I’m 40 years old, a seasoned mom, and still a bit of a cryer. I have my first human design chart introduction and am told that I am not designed to be emotional.

I’m not emotional? I don’t understand, I cry at everything. I cry at commercials, I cry at Hallmark cards, I cry reading the headlines, I cry watching sporting events, I cried at the beginning of E.T.! Of course, I’m emotional.

Well, it turns out there’s a difference between feeling things intensely and feeling things wisely. Let me explain.

Human Design is a map of our individual energy system. We have nine centers, similar to chakra centers, and each is either defined or undefined. The emotional center, also called the solar plexus, is the center that affects how we feel and whether we can trust our feelings. Hmmmm ….

Feeling intensely

Some of us amplify the feelings of the people around us and have the potential to be incredibly wise mirrors for others, but our feelings are not a source of authority or guidance for ourselves. Basically, we are amplifying what others around us are feeling. I was in the movie theatre with dozens of other people, feeling and amplifying (intensely) other people’s feelings, feeling like it was out of my control. In human design terms, I have an undefined emotional center, like about half of the population.

Feeling wisely

Others of us are designed to have our own inner emotional awareness and process that takes time to know its truth; we are designed to feel deeply and profoundly and have brilliant awarenesses about life itself. In human design terms, these people have a defined emotional center.

So, which are you? Believe it or not, this is one question that’s easy to find the answers to because it’s based on the detailed system of Human Design which uses your birthtime!

What’s the take-away?

Knowing your emotional definition can be a powerful help in your journey of healing and self-confidence. You can understand yourself more clearly, make decisions better, and accept yourself more.

For myself, I know that crowds and intense situations will activate in me intense feelings that aren’t mine. I can decide how I engage. For my three children, who are all emotionally defined, I know that they need time to know their decisions and their emotional process is quite grounded and accurate.

I invite you to discover if you are emotionally defined or not. Visit jovianarchive.com/get_your_chart, run your chart, and look at the large triangle on the far right side. White = emotionally undefined. Brown = emotional defined.

If you don’t know your birthtime, run your chart at two-hour increments and see if it changes.

Want more?

There’s much more to our human design charts. I’m talking about this next month at the Spring Energy Event and so it’s on my mind. If you want to know more about design in general, I have a page here with some resources and offers.

I’m excited for you to know more about your chart and emotional definition. It’s one of the insights that’s helped me immensely personally, for my relationships, and for my clients.


P.S. This podcast called I cry easily might appeal to you.

Photo by Rula Sibai

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Deborah Donndelinger

Deborah Donndelinger

I'm writing from Maryland, but my heart goes out all over the world. I'm cheering you on as you tackle the hard stuff, embrace the easy, and show up to help others.